Monday, September 7, 2009
The World is Dangerous
The world is dangerous. Many of us have been in situations in which we have been assaulted or know someone who has. In the news we have seen the atrocities committed by wrongdoers. Crime rate continues to increase and many are left defenseless without the awareness or proper training to handle these unfortunate, but common, instances. It is my hope and prayer that we will never have to defend ourselves against an attack. However, it would prove our folly if we did not acquire some kind of defense based training.
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ReplyDeleteStart off by providing some concrete details and credible examples to support your argument. You ahve only started your introduction and still need to expand because you could go in many different directions with this. Maybe start by looking back at your rhetoric terms and devise a method to include those in your argument. Don't forget your punctuation.
ReplyDeleteThis isn't to bad, personally I would have thrown in a couple of reliable sources(i.e. the news crew). I would also try to find a way to persuade my audience into a certain direction
ReplyDeleteI like the topic, but maybe you should expound a little more on what kind of training you would teach people. From there you can gives the advantages of that fighting style over others. In this case, I remember you talking about Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu, and you could mention the fact that it is very effective against opponents of all sizes.
ReplyDeleteI'm confused about what you are trying to express. Are you trying to convince students to take self defense classes? I think the word "atrocities" is too strong for use in this topic. Who is your audience? It didn't seem clear to me.
ReplyDeleteIt is a bit confusing as to your stance. What exactly are you proposing? And who is your audience?
ReplyDeleteIt appears that your introduction is very underdeveloped and needs to include specific examples of what your argument, what you are proposing, and who you are addressing.