When I watch Brigham Young University’s football team this year I will mostly be sitting on the couch behind a television. I am one of many students who are forced to this torturous form of observing sports. Sitting at a television does not give you the same satisfaction of being at the game. There aren’t thousands of people by all screaming at the same time. There aren’t the crowd cheers, the wave, the make noise cues, or the all around adrenaline rush that comes from being right there watching closely and occasionally looking at the big screen to see what you missed at your angle. All students should be allowed this opportunity. Students are the ones who are most crazed about the team. They make the games more energetic and lively. I think that the school should offer more football passes to all students because it would create more opportunities for students to interact, more energetic games, and happier students.
By Joseph Miller Alcocer
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I think your argument is very valid and you have captured the experience of being at the game live compared to watching it on the couch. Most people can relate to this and you tap into their emotions (pathos)and hook them into wanting to read more. I think i should also mention my brother this year was waiting to get a group together to buy passes together and the day he tried to buy the all sport pass they sold out, so now he is doing event staff just so he can be at the game. However, the overexagguration of a "torturous form of observing sports" was a little overkill for me. how about "a dull, unexciting version of watching"?Also instead of There aren't thousands, and There aren't the crowd, it should be There isn't. Just some things to think about.
ReplyDeleteI really enjoy this topic. It is a very common argument students make. In response to Erich's comment, I actually think that your use of "torturous form of observing sports" is good and that it is very descriptive. I agree that students should be first and foremost when it comes to attendance at the games and that they should have the opportunity to cheer on their team. Maybe you should also include the price of the passes, as students we should have a much lower price than 160 170 dollars when considering how much money we invest in BYU. Great paragraph overall.
ReplyDeleteOne thing that had me begin reading this entry was the title itself. In the beginning, however, the wording of "sitting on a couch behind a television" makes it seem as though you are literally behind the TV, and won't be viewing the game at all.
ReplyDeleteLike Kyle the title got my attention. I have to say good use of pathos, as you go through the topic I can relate to watching games from a television set because that is how I watch most of my soccer games.I can think of all the times that I couldn't be there with the crowd, and that by itself is a good experience. One thing I would do is make sure that the grammar is all correct, but i enjoyed the entire thing.
ReplyDeleteVery good choice of topic. Your reasons are very strong and extremely appealing. The way you share you experience of watching sports on T.V. could be related to by many people. If i were to change anything it would be to talk about all-sport passes earlier on in the paragraph.
ReplyDeleteShort sweet and too the point. But where will the rest of your Opinion Editorial go? It seems like this topic could get worn out quick when writing a 3-page paper on it. Perhaps add in another flavor or sport or aggrivation?
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