Monday, September 7, 2009
Freshman Academy: Is It Everything It Claims to Be?
College. What is the first thing you think of when someone says that? Is it the school work? Is it the hours of studying? No. If you are like any normal soon-to-be college student, college means freedom. Living away at college means moving away from your parents, your high school, and going into a world where you have the freedom to do whatever you want (as long as it stays within the Honor Code of course). You could stay up all night, sleep in the next day, and skip your first class without the teacher caring. That’s what I thought at least. I hadn’t planned on signing up for Freshman Academy, but my friend managed to convince me to sign up for it saying, “It’s so great! You get to meet a whole bunch of people and you have smaller class sizes! I highly recommend it!” This is not true. The fact of the matter is that the Freshman Academy program actually restricts you from having the true college experience.
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You have a very informal introduction that makes your younger audience begin to trust you, but be careful not to be too friendly. The quotation you use is not as effective as it could be. I suggest you get rid of the "I highly recommend it!" it just sounds too stiff. The use of questions as a hook to grab attention is very well done.
ReplyDeleteThere are a couple sentence fragments in your intro, but I don't know if you purposefully did that for style or effect. I think the part where your friend is quoted and when you said, "This is not true" doesn't flow very well. You might want to work on that transition.
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